Truth Is Relative

“In the absence of proof, Truth is relative.”

– Xenocrates

 officially hate Mormons. I don’t hate them as much as I hate extremist Muslims, or charismatic Christians, but Mormons really piss me off. Of all the people who are willing to go door to door to sell their crooked fairy tale belief system for 50 cents a pop  (Jehovah’s Witnesses, I’m talking about you), Mormons are the single most arrogant, self-righteous, delusional, looney bunch of crackerjack sons of pimps I have ever met. Not only do these sock cuckers claim to believe what traditional Christians believe, they think they’ve got the rest of the story nobody else supposedly has. Apparently, some retard named Joseph Smith claims he bore witness to Jesus in America and become prophet of the faith to the new world… some two thousand years later. Now these same father, multiple mothered, half-sibling, inbreds claim that they’re the one true church. Now that means anyone, Christian or otherwise, (even if you’ve accepted Jesus) who doesn’t subscribe to their specific pseudo-christian teachings, is bound to miss out on the luau in Utah… er… heaven (or wherever the fork these scrawny white boys come from). I had the privilege of meeting with two of these retards, and I must say, their level of stupidity (never mind their profound incapacity to reason) is worthy of the Guiness Book of Records. The story goes like this…

Religious Intolerance

About three weeks ago, a pair of Mormons showed up at my gate. Since I like destroying Mormons and their kin (i.e. Jehovah’s Witnesses), I invited them into my yard to have a little discussion. I hadn’t had a good religious debate in a while, and I was feeling the need to get my fix. The two obviously bright (and clearly, very young) men proceeded to share various bits of scripture with me – nothing I wasn’t already familiar with. After telling them that I’d already bought into Christianity when I was young and gullible and that I already have Jesus in my life (just to see what they would say), they still persisted in insinuating that their faith is the only one right one. As retarded as this is all sounding already, I decided that I hadn’t had a pointless religious discussion in a long time. So I decided to humor them for the sheer diabolic joy of exposing their idiocracy. The discussion went something like this:

• Xeno: So how do you know that the Mormon faith is true? There are many false prophets out there.
• Elder #1: The Bible teaches that you shall know them by their fruits.
• Elder #2: And the fruits of the Spirit are love, joy, peace, longsuffering, etc. etc.
• Xeno: But I see those fruits even in places run by false prophets. Care to try again?
• Elder #1: Well, Xeno, you need to pray and ask God to show you that Joseph Smith is a true prophet.
• Xeno: What makes Joseph Smith so special? I was really comfy with Isaiah and Jeremiah and the rest of the O-G’s.
• Elder #1: Umm, ‘Oh-Gees’?
• Xeno: Acronym for “Original Gangstas”
• Elder #1:
• Elder #2:
• Xeno:
• Elder #1: Well Jesus said he is gone to preach the truth to his other sheep. Those sheep are the gentiles in the Americas. Joseph Smith is our prophet.
• Xeno: ORLY? So how do I know Joseph Smith wasn’t making this up? I hear he has a penchant for making sh!t up.
• Elder #2: (Triumphantly) You see, this is why you should pray and ask God to show you the truth. That’s the only way to know for sure.
• Elder #1: Exactly. I prayed and I felt that burning sensation in my chest that this was the truth!
• Xeno: Are you sure that wasn’t heart burn?
• Elder #1: (getting visibly annoyed ), no Xeno. It’s that sensation you feel when you KNOW that you’ve discovered something great and wonderful. It’s a great euphoric sensation.
• Xeno: I get that feeling when I go to rave parties and I hear an awesome new choon after dosing up on eX or after I’ve taken a large dump.
• Elder #1:
• Elder #2: Umm… This is a very different feeling, Xeno. It’s, it’s spiritual and you feel it in your chest.
• Xeno: I hear people from other congregations saying the same thing. That doesn’t make you guys the only people who think they have the only truth.
• Elder #1: Well pray about it Xeno. I am confident that God will reveal to you that this is truth.
• Xeno: Well everybody’s been coming to me to sell me their religion as the “truth”. I think that truth is relative.
• Elder #1: No, that’s wrong. There’s only one truth.
• Elder #2: (Shaking his head) I agree.
• Xeno: But neither of you can prove your truth any more so than the Jehovah’s Witnesses or the Church of Christ or the Seventh Day Adventists. So your truth is relative to you. I don’t believe in your truth because you can’t prove it to me. So what’s true for you, is nothing more than fairy-tale to me. It would be like you trying to convince me that your favourite colour is the one true colour.
• Elder #1: Wow… (his brain recoils from that revelation) …I see your point. Well I tell you what, you need to do more than just pray. Will you come to our church tomorrow?
• Xeno: I already have commitments at my church. I’m quite happy where I am, but thanks for the invitation.
• Elder #1: But as your first act of faith, you must be willing to do what is necessary to prove your faith. You must come to our church and experience it for yourself. What time does your church start?
• Xeno: 7:30 am
• Elder #1: We start at 12 pm and go until 3 pm. So will you come?
• Xeno: I can’t promise you that. Like I already said, I have commitments.
• Elder #1: But you won’t know the truth unless you come.
• Xeno: You haven’t really proven anything to me. So why should I just come like that? All that you’ve done is stated your opinion.
• Elder #2: This is not an opinion. This is fact.
• Xeno: …that you cannot prove. Therefore it is an opinion.
• Elder #1: That’s why you should pray about it and come.
• Xeno: Would you be willing to come to my church?
• Elder #1:
• Elder #2:
• Xeno: So how do you expect me to know that you guys are so certain about what you believe that you would be willing to go as far as to come to my church and show me how it is so wrong?
• Elder #2: Because we already have the truth. We don’t need to seek it elsewhere.
• Xeno: I’d say the same thing. I already have the truth. I don’t need to see it elsewhere.
• Elder #2: (under his breath) wow… touché 
• Elder #1: But you won’t know unless you come to our church.
• Xeno: (Shakes head in pity) I tell you what, I’ll pray about it and I’ll let you know what God says. Deal?
• Elder #1: (reluctantly) Fine. Before we leave, let’s pray. You pray and ask God to show the truth.
• Xeno: (Praying) Thank you Lord for this opportunity to prove yourself to me and especially to these two young men. I pray that you will show us ALL the truth and not leave us wandering in the dark. Amen.

At this point they leave they both look up at me with a deadly serious look on their faces. Defeated, they leave their phone number with me to call them and ask for directions. They leave crest fallen, taking one last stop to piss on the outside lawn of my residence before disappearing down the road from whence they came. So I sat and thought about what these morons said and I had a really diabolical idea. So I call up these mothertruckers and the conversation goes more or less like this:

• Elder #1: Hello?
• Xeno: Hey, It’s Me, Xeno.
• Elder #1: Oh great. I’m glad you called.
• Xeno: Yeah me too. I found the truth.
• Elder #1: Really? I knew that God would reveal it to you and that….
• Xeno: (cutting him off) He said that you guys are full of bullocks.
• Elder #1: (pause) …wh-what?
• Xeno: Yeah, something you said yesterday showed me your true fruits, as you so rightfully said and that’s what God showed me to prove that you Mormons are full of bullocks.
• Elder #1: (still silent)
• Xeno: Jesus established one church. Mankind has many different interpretations of Jesus’ truth and that has led to many different denominations. However, irrespective of what label we call ourselves, there is still only one church. It’s not the Baptists, not the Church of God, not the Church of Christ, not the Pentacostals, not the New Testaments, not the Catholics, not the Jehovah’s Witnesses, and certainly not the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day saints. There is only ONE church. Irrespective of what we call ourselves, we all worship ONE saviour: Jesus Christ. We don’t need Joseph Smith or anyone else for that matter to pave the way to God. Jesus taught that He is the way, the truth and the light and no man comes to the Father BUT through him. So I’m sorry sir, I cannot accept that the Mormon faith is the one true church and I therefore, by this revelation, reject Joseph Smith and any and all teachings associated with him.
• (long silence)
• Xeno: ….hello?
• (busy signal)
• Xeno:

The son of a whore hung up on me. Fine. So I sign in to MSN messenger the next day with my personal message saying: “Mormons are such idiots“. At that point, a young woman comes online, sees my message and our conversation goes like this:

• Heather: Wow, you’re really Politically Correct.
• Xeno: Aren’t I just?
• Heather: We should be religiously tolerant.
• Xeno: Not to people who are intolrant of my religion.
• Heather: What is your religion?
• Xeno: It doesn’t matter. Nobody tells me what to believe. I’m sick of assholes trying to tell me what to believe. To hell with ’em. To hell with ’em all.
• Heather: What if they don’t believe in hell?
• Xeno: Then they can go to New Jersey.
• Heather:
• Xeno:

Conclusion

Listen, I don’t care what people want to believe. I mean, who am I to tell people what to kill their brain cells over? There’s all kinds of religious B.S. floating around these days in addition to the rubbish we already know about. While I can understand why people would feel the need to believe in something they can’t prove, it is the audacity of those who feel compelled to encourage others to believe in the same B.S. that escapes me. If they’re so stupid that they can’t realise the inherent garbage that they’re wasting brain matter over, then these people shouldn’t try to have a conversation with anyone on the subject, except a board certified shrink. I’ve been lied to for over 18 years by Christians. That’s enough. I don’t need to hear anymore B.S. from any one else – especially not Mormons, who like Muslims and many Christians, are blind to the reality that not everyone in the world needs religion. Some people are just lucky enough to be born with enough brains to know that religion is intrinsically redundant, since religion only attains to truth that it feels most comfortable with.

What all religious people need to understand is that truth is not contained in religion. Truth and religion are mutually exclusive. Religion merely approximates truth for it’s own agenda, hence why it explicitly forsakes proof. With that said, in the absence of proof, all truth is relative.  Therefore, to all the Mormons and JW’s and misguided Christians and self deprecating Muslims, I’d like to ask you to do me a simple favour: Leave me alone and keep your religious garbage to yourself. If you’re so stupid that you’d believe anything without proof or reason, and then on top of that, try to convince me that your hallucinations are real, then that officially makes you too dumb to talk to me and anyone else with half a brain. That also makes your religion a waste of my time. It seems that it will only work for me once I’m willing to become dumb enough – like you. If that makes me religiously intolerant, then you have one of two options:

1. Welcome me to your club of self-righteous “My religion is better than yours”  …OR
2. Sign me up for a lifetime membership in Atheists Anonymous.

One way or another, it doesn’t make a frickin’ difference. If this post pissed you off or offended you in any way, then GOOD, because I still don’t care about your delusional opinion. If repeating yourself and declaring on top of your voice that your relig… err… opinion makes your belief better than mine, then by the same crackpot logic, I claim equal rights in declaring that the one true religion is the worship of the pink unicorn. I can’t prove that unicorns were ever pink or that they even existed. However, using the same delusional rationale you use to sanctify your religion, I declare that the pink Unicorn is God and he wants to stick his 10th dimensional horn up your ass to deliver you from sin.

Can I get a witness up in here?