Home > Men, Relationships > Why Nice Guys Finish Last

Why Nice Guys Finish Last

“Women are only attracted to men who behave like men.”


Nice GuyThis one is dedicated to all the guys out there who will never break a woman’s heart; the guys who will always be a friend when she needs one, will always be her comforting shoulder when her boyfriend goes postal, will always offer their shoulder for them to cry on – and despite all of this, for some reason, still inexplicably find themselves STUCK IN THE FRIEND ZONE. Gentlemen, I salute you. I feel your pain. Even though you have been the ultimate guy in waiting, you find that the woman you constantly adore, the one for whom you offer yourself as a bridge over a puddle of mud – will never love you back. Why are women so duplicitous in their intentions towards men who are not jerks? Over the last month, I’ve sampled some fine female selections from the gene pool and I’ve come to realise why. Brace yourselves gentlemen. This one is going to hurt.

The Fundamental Difference between Men & Women

Take careful note of small children in a play pen. The little boys are always more loud, abrasive and obnoxious than the little girls. Males are driven to be very forward and aggressive. It’s our genetic imperative to be like that. We pride ourselves in competition, conquest, aggression and machoism. It shows even in our competitive nature as adults and our unwavering love for sports. Men are agressive. Growing up, men are always raw and brutal with each other – even as friends, we play rough.

But not women.

Women prefer to use their mind, not their muscle (which is understandable since women aren’t gifted in the physical strength department). Even when they fight among themselves, it’s usually borne out of psychological warfare. Even as little girls, females are more inclined to verbal assault – rarely ever turning to physical violence. Women prefer brains over brawn, and it shows in their everyday lifestyle. However, when it comes to dealing with men, this preference for brains over brawn can become rather – shall we say… annoying.

Why Girls Ignore Nice Guys

As we’ve touched on before, women generally respond more positively to men who are more aggressive. It doesn’t matter whether those men are good for them or not. Agressive men get sorted to the top of their preference list most of the time. The agression in men is sexually attractive to women. You see this manifested during intercourse with the woman usually assuming the passive role, deriving pleasure from being dominated. Therefore men whose approach is more assertive, bold, cocky, confident, perhaps even with a dash of humor (most women love to laugh) will usually get more positive results from a woman. Men whose approach is more timid, indecisive, unsure, shy, relies too much on banter or uses more subterfuge to woo a woman, tend to get ignored or treated less seriously. Nice guys tend to fall into the latter category.

With that said, there is a collective of men who are good for any woman that usually get sorted down in the list all the time, since those men tend to use the more subtle approach described earlier. Those men are usually not immediately very desirable to them, because their approach is not particularly masculine. Let’s face it guys, you wouldn’t approach a woman who wasn’t behaving particularly feminine would you? EXACTLY. This is why you have poor luck with women. The timid approach will cause her to think of you as one of the girls. The problem with this is that these women know at the back of their minds that these men have value – they just don’t feel sexual chemistry with them from the get go because of the approach. What happens in a woman’s mind at this point is that:

  1. She doesn’t dislike you enough to turn you away, but;
  2. She doesn’t like you enough to want you the way you want her to.

The end result is that women attempt to convert these ‘nice’ guys into friends – kind of like how a tourist keeps souvenirs from their vacation. The issue which I am attempting to elucidate is this:

Women are more inclined to turn less desirable men into friends (thus effectively castrating such men) instead of just flatly turning them away – usually for sentimental reasons.$0D|�A
This is the single most annoying thing that a number of genuinely “nice” single men face from women of all kinds. Men don’t like gray areas. We work best in zones that are conclusively black or white. When a woman says “well, maybe” or “I need some time to think” it’s like she’s saying “No, you can’t bone me – but I don’t want you to go away – yet.” Ever had that happen to you? Well here’s the bad news:

You’ve been put on a waiting list.

The Waiting List

For those of you men who’re too dumb to know what it means to be on a woman’s waiting list, here’s the gist of it:

  1. Women need to feel an instant ‘click’ with a man she meets.
  2. Click = Chemistry. Men don’t need chemistry as much as women do.
  3. Men whose ‘click’ doesn’t match the woman’s standards are wait listed.
  4. If the ‘click’ doesn’t occur instantaneously, you are also wait listed.
  5. A woman’s wait list ranks men according to the ‘click’ strength.
  6. The list is sorted in descending order, from strongest to weakest.
  7. As she meets more men, they are automatically sorted on the list.
  8. The man with the highest click strength gets the most attention.
  9. Men who don’t click at all are instantly turned away.
  10. Her waitlist operates on the POP principle; meaning that only the man at the top of the list can be disqualified. If that happens, then next man below him on the list is automatically promoted, and so on, until the list is either exhausted, or until she finds a suitable mate.

Some of you may know this as “ladder theory“. But unlike ladder theory, I’m not encouraging the treatment of women as raw meat (although to be brutally honest, a lot of them ask for it). The main difference here is that I’m explicitly encouring you to GET OFF HER WAITING LIST. Why you ask? There are two main reasons:

1. You’re Her Backup Plan

Being wait listed means that you’re her backup plan, her plan ‘B’. Well, technically, it could actually mean that you’re quite possibly her plan ‘J’ or even plan ‘X’, depending on how far down her list you are. There may be quite a number of other men ranked above you. If that doesn’t bruise your ego, then you should also note that you could be waitlisted indefinitely. Let me tell you how this happens:

You meet this girl. You express interest, she says “well, let me think about it” or “Let’s be friends for now.” and foolishly, you agree. However, in her mind, you didn’t generate enough chemistry with her to get to the goods. So what happens is that your click strength is quantified and you are added to her wait list (as it wasn’t strong enough for her to want to open her legs for you in the first place). You are then sorted in descending order among the other men that she knows. If she continues to meet other men (and subsequently bump off men from the top of her list), your position on her list may either rise or fall as she meets other men with more (or less) chemistry than you. As such:

So long as she continues to meet other men and you were not instantly sorted to the top of the list, you will continue to remain her backup plan, most likely indefinitely.

Some men are wait listed so long, that they are in waiting until she becomes old and desperate. That’s where you will instantly get promoted to the top of the list, since all the other guys above you will no longer desire her now that she’s pushing 30, still single, growing miserable, childless and fat. Additionally, women at this stage in their lives are no longer interested in casual dating. They want to get married – NOW – which instantly disqualifies her from most single men’s interests. Since you’re the only guy she knows that would have loved her irrespective of what she looked like (hence why you were wait listed in the first place), you now become her priority numero uno. All the other guys have gotten a chance to bone her and have long since moved on. You get to be stuck with their “legacy” – a used vagina looking for a permanent buyer. By this, so many jerks have plugged her, that she’s like a used car on a car lot that only sells new cars. Think about that for a second. Let it soak into your brain for a few minutes…

Now do you see why you need to get off the waiting list? If that wasn’t harsh enough for you, then read on. I said that there are two main reaons why you need to get off the list. Let’s get to the second, and more severe reason:

2. You’re being wait listed to be heart broken

If you’re not her number 1 from the get go, chances are that even if you were to change some characteristic about yourself that would cause you to be promoted instantaneously to her number 1, you HAVE to maintain that characteristic (which I imagine will not be who you really are) in order to keep her interested. If you fail to do so, she will most likely loose interest and thus, break your heart. Remember, only men at the top of the list are disqualified. So you get one chance to either shine or die.

If that doesn’t happen, then she’ll most likely break your heart another way: You could be wait listed until some guy she meets very recently gets instantly promoted above you. She may even end up marrying him and not you. This one will hurt 10x more than if you were wait listed indefinitely. This is because this girl will have already:

  1. Given you hope that you and her were a ‘possibility‘.
  2. Known you for a much longer time than the dude she’s now with.
  3. Taken your money and other favours (investment!)
  4. Been on dates with you and shared pseudo-intimate moments.
  5. Kept you as a close confidant and friend (again, building up your hopes)
  6. Shared many of your secrets (and vice versa)
  7. Been the object of your unrequited affection
  8. Cried on your shoulders every time her other boyfriend treats her badly.
  9. Repeatedly chosen to invest her love in assholes, ignoring you.
  10. Have absorbed a great deal of your time that you could’ve invested in other possible love interests.

…only to shaft you in the end. Yes sir, it will hurt. It will hurt like a mother. It will hurt so bad that one of two things will happen to you:

  1. You become a cold, callous, heartless, skirt chasing, womanizing PLAYA – a jerk, just like the ones she constantly rejects you for… OR:
  2. You become wise and GET OFF THE LIST!

Women Don’t know how to be Straight

Nice catYou have to understand: women are really nice people. They’re so nice, that many of them can’t even be straight and blunt when they need to turn down a guy who they prefer to have as a friend. This is particularly true when a woman knows she’s not attracted to a particular guy, but she doesn’t dislike him enough to just flatly reject him. This is why nice guys tend to finish last. But it doesn’t have to be their lot in life. What women fail to understand is that a man who approaches a woman doesn’t want to be “just friends” (irrespective of the strength of his approach). It’s all or nothing. Men can’t be friends with women unless:

  1. He’s a homosexual.
  2. He’s not interested.
  3. He’s very happily married.
  4. He’s related to her.

It is unnatural for single men to want to ‘befriend’ attractive single women. The very idea is preposterous – unless he’s desperate for any kind of attention he can get from her. Women are not our equals – they serve a wholly different purpose. Women were created to propagate the human species. Hence why Adam was cloned and given a women, and right brain preference so that he could love his clone in order to make babies. Thus it is inherently impractical for such friendships to exist while interests persist without somebody getting hurt.

If you’re a woman reading this: Be straight from the outset. If you’re not interested at the beginning, chances are you won’t be interested later. Just say ‘no’ and spare him the misery. If he really was your friend, then you wouldn’t let him suffer.

If you’re a man reading this: ‘Maybe’ means that she’s not interested. She’s only hoping that your chemistry with her will grow over time. If she’s not interested now, odds are that she’s not going to be interested tomorrow. Don’t get attached. You will hurt later. You have been warned.

How does a man get off the list?

Here’s the fundamental underlying principle:

Only pursue women for whom you become the number 1 from day 1 (or close enough thereto). If you’re not numero uno, move alongeven if she clings to you and begs you to stay.

There are over 6 billion people on the planet. Less than half of that number are women; we’re talking roughly 3 billion women here! A good 1.5 billion of those will fit some demographic (race, language, culture, religion, income, etc.) that is suitable to you. That’s roughly 800 million females in your general quadrant of the planet. Narrow those down to within 60 miles of your immediate vicinity and we’re talking about roughly 50,000 female possibilities at the very least. Why should a man then sully his dignity for a woman who isn’t sure if she wants him?

If every man realised that he has a good 50,000 women at his disposal to sift through at all times (even considering probable variance), no man would become hung up on just one woman who said “maybe“. Even if 10,000 of those women said “maybe“, you still have a good 40,000 to breeze through. It is thus mathematically improbable to not find more than enough willing souls to partake of your affection from this pool. There are simply too many good women in the world who are more than ready to settle with a decent, loving man like yourself, without pre-judging you based on their personal shallow hang ups, for you to become fixated on that one girl that flared your fancy. It is a stupid thing to do wasting time waiting on a girl that said ‘maybe‘. You are not getting any younger!

Some women grow so fond of the men on their waiting list that when those men try to extract themselves from that list, they panic and start respond like they’re breaking up with a boyfriend – even though there was no romantic development in the first place. It’s absolutely ridiculous! These women give you the same bad vibes as though you were their lover, even though you’re not. So it’s like having all of superman’s weaknesses with none of his powers. What’s the point of having deal with all the negative effects of having girlfriend, if you’re not going to be able to sample the positive effects also? Listen buddy, Get off the damn waiting list and continue your search.


If you’re one of those people who believes that chemistry between two people is not paramount to the success of a relationship, then that is the stuff of fairy tales. Two people can only become lovers once chemistry exists. Anything less is a one night stand. It has to be the right amount and it has to be potent enough to get the gears of love turning. If it didn’t exist at the outset, it probably won’t exist later on. I say this because of a simple ubiquitous facet of human nature:

People never really change. They just become better or worse at who they really are.

To all the nice guys out there: You don’t have to finish last. You don’t have to become her intellectual whore. You don’t have to freely offer your shoulder to cry on without just reward. You are not required siphon your positive evergy to a fancy woman who will never love you. You’re not obligated to ‘fix’ a broken woman. Just because you’re nice, doesn’t mean that you have to be stupid. Just like those other jerks out there who lay women for sport, there are women out there who will drain your positive energy for sport. It goes both ways. Nice girls are suckered in by bad boys, and parasitic women are drawn to nice guys. BREAK THE CYCLE. Get off her waiting list. Be a man. Let every love interest you pursue know that it is all or nothing. That testosterone driven decisiveness makes you more attractive. Don’t settle for less just because you think you think you can’t do any better. YOU CAN.

Don’t let your desperation for love cause you to latch on to the first woman who is willing to smile at you. Do not sacrifice your dignity or your self respect because you feel lonely. Love is conditional. It goes both ways. If you love and are not loved in return, stop calling her. Stop nagging her. Stop leaving messages on her phone. Stop stalking her. Stop getting so insecure about every other dude out there who grabs her ass. Respect yourself and you will be respected.

  1. April 21, 2015 at 9:15 am


    I read some of the other posts on your blog and enjoyed them immensely, but this one is completely based on subjective opinion and sweeping generalization. This is the crap that keeps me up at night, hating the world.

    MEN AND WOMEN CAN BE FRIENDS. It does not mean that the men need to be gay or married or whatever checklist you have up there. As a woman, I DO NOT sort men into the categories of ‘unavailable, don’t go in my vagina, go into my vagina.’ I think men are intellectual, emotional, and spiritual creatures, just like women; ever consider the fact that women desire an emotional intimacy without the humping and sweating? We do not all have single-tracked minds; we do not solely focus on trying to figure out what we will or will not put in our vaginas. NO, we women do NOT all need to feel a ‘click’ the second we meet a man; some of us have this revolutionary tactic in order to know whether or not we are attracted to a man…it’s called ‘knowing a person.’ You are saying that women only find worth or value in a man based on whether or not she’d fuck him, and it’s DEVASTATING to know people think the way you do.

    This’s completely baseless dribble that tries to justify men being hurt by unrequited love. ‘Oh, she friend-zoned me! WAH! WAAAAAH!’ Cry all you want; I don’t feel sorry for you, and that’s because almost ALL of us have had unreturned feelings. IT HAPPENS. And you do not hear women saying ‘He friend-zoned me!’ That is not because ‘men don’t play games,’ but because we don’t bitch about it by writing articles about ‘nice girls finishing last;’ we maintain a friendship with them or move away from them if it is too painful to be around them anymore. Ever think that it’s a culturally ingrained idea that if a man has good rapport with a woman, he feels like he MUST put her into a romantic category…maybe because of people who believe as you quacking crap like this all around them? Ever consider the fact that it’s practically culturally taboo for a man to have somebody to discuss his feelings and emotions with who he ISN’T pummelling with his dick because that’d make him ‘less of a man,’ so he doesn’t know how to reconcile his emotions and convinces himself that’s he’s in love? Chicken or egg? HMM.

    Here’s the thick and thin of it: If a woman won’t have sex with you, it isn’t that you are a back-up plan, you aren’t ‘not masculine enough,’ you aren’t ‘not aggressive enough,’ or whatever the hell else you want to tell yourself…it’s either that she views you as somebody she can’t find herself achieving a romantic intimacy with on an intellectual level, OR you’re not what she is looking for in a romantic partner…THAT’S IT. As a straight woman, I could take a whole bunch of my female friends and tell you which ones I wish had a penis so I could feel SEXUALLY attracted to them and enter a romantic relationship with them, and which ones I wouldn’t touch with a forty-foot pole as a romantic partner if they were men, yet would still like as a friend.

    I feel bad for people who need to do mental triathalons to heal their fragile, wounded egos by peddling crap like this, making the most ridiculous generalizations about gender:
    ‘Women like to laugh.’ Yeah, because men HATE it.
    ‘Women take the submissive role in sex and like being dominated.’ Oh, really? I don’t know who YOU’RE fucking, but it sure as hell isn’t me.
    ‘Women like aggressive men.’ Oh, YEAH! I LOVE the freaking idea of bringing a man to a party and watching him get into fist fights and embarrassing me; no intellect needed, just be an oaf who grunts and punches people. As long as you can get an erection, I’m happy! Ridiculous!
    ‘Women are attracted to men who ACT like men.’ And who’s the authority on THAT? Do we need the stereotypical man police to go around, giving them citations?

    If the world were as you’ve described it, if men and women ALL accepted or rejected people based on ‘fuckability,’ the world would be a desolate place. I’d probably reside in a forest waiting to die or kill myself, because I wouldn’t find a point. I do not believe that my purpose is to find a sexual partner, then only interact with other women, shutting out the other half of the population. THAT is essentially the postulation you’re peddling. Based on your logic, bisexual people are not capable of having friends, merely a list of people on the ‘waiting list.’

    Here’s an idea: Stop whining. It is difficult to find a person who is right for you, and that’s why people are preoccupied with the notion, and why it’s a multi-million dollar industry. Saying that you’re ‘too nice’ is not the reason why you aren’t with somebody; you’re just jealous of the jocks and preps and muscle men who are constantly getting laid by women who are just as genitally-driven as they are…they aren’t finding a true and magnificent love, but a dirty lay or a shallow relationship. You need to stop seeing something that isn’t there when it comes to people…finding a deep emotional intimacy with somebody of the opposite gender doesn’t necessitate the use of your penis, no matter how culturally ingrained you are to believe it does. Smart, good people are rarely happy, and it’s because they look for something deeper in life, something deeper in people, and those things can be difficult to find. It happens.

    If you have enough friends that you can throw some away because they won’t allow you to ‘enter’ them, well…good for you.

  2. bamabrasileira
    April 10, 2012 at 8:29 am

    i would say that we don’t necessarily like “aggressive”guys, but rather, guys who are confident. there is nothing more annoying than being around a guy who show no attraction to you over a long period of time and who will not “risk”being hurt by asking you out. many of us do like “nice”guys, but not “weak”guys who clearly lack confidence. jesus was the ultimate nice guy and the descriptive depictions of him make him sound sexy as fuck!

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  1. May 2, 2011 at 8:56 am

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