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Misogyny for the Masses

“Women were designed expressly for the explicit pacification of men, inasmuch as mankind was designed expressly for the explicit appeasement of God”


I Chauvenist Pig, do hereby declare that I love women.

I love everything about them; from how they look, how they dress, how they talk, how they walk, how they behave, how they feel to the touch – I just love them. If this sounds like just another testosterone driven baseful objectification of womankind, then I dare you to read on and I’ll prove you wrong. This is dedicated to the wholesome glorification of all that makes my penis sing. I think women are God’s single greatest creation (…well, next to the BMWs and Hondas – which you can use to get even MORE women!). I love women so much that I spent half of my short life studying these fascinating creatures. In fact, this post will become the first chapter of my new book: “Women Explained – The X Chromosone Revealed“. Now read on and let me tell you why I love these people:

The Way they Dress

Have you ever stopped to realise that in this age, women generally wear about 50% less clothing than men? Even in a business suit, the under blouse sans jacket is usually designed to show off the arms, the stomach, or at least to advertise some succulent cleavage. Even their pants are designed to hug their bodies to accentuate their curvaceous wood-inducing posteriors. Let’s talk about skirts. Can a woman’s skirt be too short? Hell no! The whole point of a woman’s apparel is sexual appeal. Less is more. Otherwise, they’d just walk around naked – which is fine too. Short skirts were designed to accentuate those long, veloptuous, killer legs that’d turn men to boys and boys to babies. If she’s got on a blouse that shows off the succulent come-worthiness of a soft bouncy pair mammarian delights, it only adds Raphaelic flair to her already magnificent image.

However, the greatest hypocrisy about women and their clothing is when women say that they don’t dress to feel sexy as an appeal to men. This is rubbish. That’s the only reason why they dress that particular way. It has nothing to do with styles or whatever else they can think of. Women dress for sex appeal and that’s the bottomline. Therefore, there is NOTHING wrong or inappropriate with a man breaking his neck to ogle at a passing woman who is not modestly dressed. Make sure you make them see you do it and make NO apologies. If women didn’t want all that attention, they wouldn’t dress that way to begin with. So ignore any of that tripe about men objectifying women. Women dress for men’s entertainment, and apparently, they love doing it.

The Way they Behave

A lot of the behaviour of a woman is engineered specifically to gain ATTENTION from a man – even when she’s being insoluble. For example, when a grown woman is being playful, it means that she likes you and that’s your cue to respond in kind. When a woman spontaneously acts playful towards you, she’s pinging (much like RADAR) to see if you’re the kind of guy she’d like to have fun with. It doesn’t necessarily mean she likes you enough to sit on you, but it’s a start. In fact, it’s a wide open opportunity for you to make the chemistry hot enough for her to want to. There are few things I wouldn’t give to be around a grown woman acting all nutty like a 12 year old girl. It is sexy, sassy and fun all at the same time. Many times (unfortunately, not always) it’s a wide open invitation for sexual rendezvous. If you play your cards right, there’s theoretically no limit to where you can take the excitement. Theoretically. Pillow fights are an excellent way to get the naughty out without being too forward, since its under the premise of play. Now since almost every woman loves to play and act childish every once in a while, that’s just huge scoring potential right there. Woman play is almost always the same as flirting and foreplay all rolled up into one. Surprisingly a lot of men don’t even realise that. In fact, there are a number of other behaviours that women exhibit that I’d like to address that seems to confuse men. Many of these are often because we men are trying to use our left brain to understand a right brain creature.

  • Women act insecure to be complemented, not to be told the truth. Compliments score brownie points. Brownie points score. Gidderdun.
  • Women flirt to feel sexy, particularly when men acknowledge. Ignore a flirtatious woman sporadically to increase her curiosity. Curiosity = intrigue. Intrigue = Mystery. Mysterious men are irresistable to many women. Hence Mystery = Score. Thus the expression: “Curiosity killed the cat“. You know another name for cat, right? Gidderdun.
  • Women act obnoxious to test a man’s breaking points. Don’t break – but don’t be a jerk. Unbreakable men are revered by women (part of the reason why they love bad boys). Unbreakability = sex appeal. Sex appeal = score. Gidderdun.
  • Women act irrational when there’s hormonal interference in the left brain. Wait it out, show love, and you will score major brownie points for being “sensitive”. One day when you max out your brownie pointage, you will spontaneously score for some inexplicable reason. It’s like a built in female cashback rewards program designed explicitly for men. When you get your rebate cheque, never look a gift horse in the mouth. Just strap on a condom and Gidderdun.
  • Women play “hard to get” to be chased. Chase and then withdraw. Now this makes YOU hard to get. This creates intrigue – and as we’ve already covered, intrigue always = score. Gidderdun.
  • Women play mind games for the same reasons they flirt and play. Play along – but not by their rules. Create your own rules – they won’t be able to resist. Assertiveness = sex appeal. Sex appeal = score. Gidderdun.
  • Any woman that doesn’t loosely fit one or more of the above profiles is either a boy toy addict (meaning that they’ve got too much of an ego to be truly loved) or gay.

Ofcourse, I admit, these are only the positive reactions Therefore we can conclusively deduce that much of the way women act towards us is designed specifically to reward us with the potential to score. Wether or not they concur or acknowledge this reality is completely inconsequential. If that were not the case, then we would reproduce asexually – and we don’t. Therefore…

Their Intrinsic Value

Women object to being objectified by men because they know that’s their primary purpose for existing, and it makes them feel worthless. That is why they hope we men notice their other qualities – however immaterial. The truth is, women are not worthless, because we men love vagina – and like everything else that we love (like power and money), we attach GREAT VALUE to it and we thusly want MORE of it. We’ve fought wars, built and toppled kingdoms, created religions and motor cars all in the name of vagina. 

If women didn’t have vagina, that’s the only time they’d be worthless, cuz then we men would have nothing to strive for, to fight for, to long for – even to DIE for. Hell, we wouldn’t even EXIST if there was no vagina! Let’s face it: The world would be a very worthless place if there was no pussy. Therefore women should not feel bad when they think we men only think of their usefulness as being unary. When we men acknowledge our love for vagina, we’re only acknowledging our love of life and the existence of the human race. Women are the single most valuable commodity of all time.

The Way They Think

Women always claim that they can multitask and that this is advantageous over men. This is not quite so. Women can use both sides of their brain at the same time, but this doesn’t not equate to multitasking. The left brain is used for complex, logical, articulate, mathematical activities. The right brain is used for emotional, artistic, creative activities. Therefore, the only time a woman actually uses both sides of her brain at the same time, is when she’s:

  • Doing the dishes while cooking us dinner (asynchronous left & right brain)
  • Dealing with the kids (right brain) while keeping the house clean (left brain) 
  • Engaging in some physical activity (left & right brain) while having a conversation (right brain)
  • Foreplay (left brain) and sexual intercourse (right brain)
  • et cetera.

However, women can’t do two complex tasks at the same time, since that’s using the left brain on two tasks simultaneously. That’s why they tend to be poor drivers in traffic (especially when they’re putting on makeup or driving a SUV). Neither can they become emotionally fixated on two things at the same time, since that’s the same thing as the right brain generating two very powerful emotions simultaneously. This is why when women breakup with a boyfriend, they need a “flush” period in which to completely relieve themselves of their feelings for the old boyfriend before they can move on to an often immediately available new one.

Having asynchronous left and right brain skills has one diabolical drawback for me though:

Being able to use both sides of their brain at the same time make women expert liars. They can think about the lie logically (left brain) while using an emotional mask (right brain) to cover it at the same time. In fact, the only reason why men appear to be more frequent liars, is simply because we can’t use the right brain to create emotional credibility while we’re busy articulating the lie with the left. That makes us easier to get caught when we lie. Unfair advantage? Maybe – but the next time your woman accuses you of lying, just remind her that it takes one expert to certify another…

I will say however, that women CAN indeed perform two motor functions at the same time. Again, this has to do with the fact that they can use both sides of the brain simultaneously. Each side of the brain controls the opposite side of the body. So technically, a woman can drive and put on make up at the same time (even though that’s a dumb thing to do). She can cook a meal while doing the dishes. In fact, it’s the same reason why you find mostly women working in fast food restaurants. 

This really boils down to functional design. Men are designed as hunter / gatherers. There is thus no useful purpose for having asynchronous left and right brain activity in men. Hunting is a very straight forward task that requires total left brain immersion. Housekeeping and family nurturement however, are considerably more complex (however less dangerous) tasks and thus it is imperative that the wife have complete asynchronous cross talk between neurons on both sides of her brain. This asynchronous functionality becomes especially handy during foreplay and love making. Speaking of which…

Close Encounters of the Submissive Kind

There’s a certain animalistic appeal to objectifying women – and make no mistake, they LOVE it. During sex, a woman willingly assumes her rightful role in creation in relation to a man: On her back, at the bottom of the stack in total subjection to his will. Natural women love to feel subdued by an appropriately “strong” man. Whether his strength is physical, psychological or both, is completely immaterial. So long as she perceives “strength” in character, the vagina is up for grabs. Part of the sex appeal in men for women, is the idea that women must feel a certain degree of inferiority to them. That’s why men who are too kind, too nice, too cordial, too ready to offer them a shoulder to cry on, will always draw the short stick. Women tend to assign these men a hypothetical vagina, castrating them for life. In fact, women love being pursued by an appropriatly aggressive (read: assertive) male. Some even like being objectified as trophies for an alpha male’s hunt. I find this absolutely fascinating, given the high potency of the BS you hear from feminists. It’s nothing more than a load of crock.

During sexual encounters, many women love being referred to in hyperbolic sexual terms, even when it appears to be demeaning. This may appear to be shocking to many men as most of them won’t admit that being cat-called at adds some level of self assurance, such that they think to themselves, “hey, I’m still sexy“. It’s an ego boost for every woman, even if her face shows disdain. It’s just a way of her saying “I’m not a tramp, but I like the fact that I have appeal.” An appropriately identified male can use the exact same wordage to an adequately wooed woman in the bedroom, and she will mop up every bit of it – like the dirty freaky skank she really is. Now if that’s not hypocrisy, I don’t know what is.


Women were designed expressly for the explicit pacification of men, inasmuch as mankind was designed expressly for the appeasement of God. All natural women were hardwired that way. Women who fail to acknowledge this are only in denial or have never met a man before. The latter needs experience with an appropriate male to trigger that hidden feminine side. Women who think that they are equal with men are delusional. The instant a woman becomes equal to a man, she immediately becomes less than a man. However, this type of ignorance is only temporary. For just like how every knee will eventually bow and confess to the sovereignty of God, every woman – when sexually aroused enough, will accede to the tenet of the expressed superiority of men.

…and those are the reasons, ladies and gentlemen, why I absolutely, positively LOVE women; every single one of them.

Categories: women Tags: ,
  1. X
    April 11, 2009 at 12:54 am

    hahaha. theres really no need for all of those dating books a lot of guys pay for when you just explained females in one short blog. you make them sound like the obvious predictable creatures that they are (yet appear so confusing). i applaud your writing skills and once again the amazing way you spin it with humor.

  2. January 10, 2009 at 9:51 am

    You may have a point there Richard… Hmm…

  3. Richard
    September 24, 2008 at 10:06 am

    You see that first set of bullet points…???….not safe at all!!!

    When you get all those right at the same time…you going to be chased after with nowhere to run. You going to need to hide and eventually, may get turned off cause she chasing so hard.

  4. September 21, 2008 at 12:04 am

    I love them wayyy too much and can hardly resist them too… 🙂

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