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“Modern Capitalism is the art of creating a demand where no need exists.”


At some point in time in your life, you’ve given yourself to becoming exploited either by your emotional gullibility or your impetuous spontaneity. This has been made possible either by social or economic systems designed specifically to take advantage of the fact that you, like most of your friends, accept most of the things you see and believe for exactly what you perceive them to be the first time you see them.

Translation: You’re being exploited because you’re a dummy. If you answer yes to any of these, your stupid gene is alive and well. Rejoice:

1. Early Adopters 

Have you ever bought a new product shortly after it has entered the market, only to realise that most of the accessories which it requires won’t be released until six months later or that it has a few problems? Hey stupid, that new computer, gadget, toy, software, car, upgrade has a HIGH OPENING PRICE for a very good reason: So that the manufacturer can reclaim their marketing costs within the first six months of the product’s launch, as well as to cover the cost of fixing those teething pains which accompany every new product that hits the market for the first time.

Do you realise that they stop promoting the product after the first few months? Yeah. The $600 you paid for that Playstation 3 is to cover the cost of advertising it – not manufacturing it. The damn thing was made in a sweat shop for pennies. The $400 you paid for that new XBOX 360 will cover the cost of fixing the DVD problems the Gen 1 machines had. The really good games won’t come out until a year later anyway, at which point it’s price may drop by half – but since you can’t wait, go ahead; Make Sony’s marketing machine rich, dumbass

2. Loans

Have you ever taken a loan from the bank for something other than a new car or a house? Hey Stupid, if you can’t pay back that loan within one year, (which you could probably save up for in the same period anyway), then you’re funding the bank’s capital creation machine with every payment you make AFTER THE FIRST YEAR. That’s how banks make their money – interest on your loans.

Why do you think banks create such things as “Loan Sales“? Their loan officers get a commission for every loan they can convince you to take. The bank knows you’re impatient and you want your stuff NOW. So they create a system where they can make some money off you to give you your rewards right away.

However, if you can save up to buy that good over a period of time, you can treat that as a loan to yourself from yourself. That way, you make no interest payments and you don’t pay more for a thing than what it costs if you just saved up for it the good old fashioned way. Loans were designed to trick the impatient out of their money, dumbass

3. Credit Cards

Have you ever accepted a pre-approved credit card that has a credit limit that is way higher than your total revenue? Hey Stupid – Credit Cards are the same thing as a pre-approved loan. The dangerous thing about them is that there is no need to apply everytime you want the money. What’s even more dangerous is that credit cards have a statement balance which MUST BE PAID IN FULL on the due date. So go ahead, accept that new $5,000 USD credit card when you only make $1,000 USD a month. Go ahead and spend $3,000 USD on that new HDTV.

Assuming that you spend about $700 out of your salary every month, you’ll be stuck paying off that $3,000 USD every month with only $300. The compounded interest each month on the remaining balance will put you so far in debt that your great grand children will still owe the bank money. Even if you sell that HDTV for $2,500 to get out of debt, the compounded interest will ensure that you give the bank $10,000 for a $3,000 TV – that’s what debt consolidation firms do. Who do you think they work for? How do you think they get paid? Credit card companies PAY debt consolidation companies pennies for every dollar they reclaim. So the bank always wins – dumbass…

4. Higher Education

“Statistics” claim that people with degrees earn more money than people who don’t. So most of you being the mindless automatons that you are, spend exhorbitant amounts of money to go to Univerity to do a degree in which most of the subjects you study have absolutely no bearing on how to make money or at least to make your marketable in a particular field. Hey stupid – do you realise that they teach you everything in school except how to make money?

Don’t get me wrong here: being educated is great, but being rich is even greater. The problem is that those statistics mentioned earlier conveniently omitted the fact that even though people with degrees earn more money than people without, they also tend to be in more debt than people who have no degree at all. There’s no point in being that smart if you’re broke. Apparently, the more educated you become, the less sensible you tend to be.

Most of you are only pursuing a degree to get a better job. Hey dumbass – why not do a degree that will arm you with knowledge that can help you start your own business? Do you realise that Bill Gates dropped out of college? Look at how many of you dummies went and got your Ph.D. to work for a college dropout! Who’s smarter now? If you are trying to get a degree to get a better job, then you’re wasting at least 4 years out of your precious life to make someone else who dropped out of school rich – dumbass

5. Bottled Water

Have you ever walked into a Supermarket and bought a bottle of water? If you have, and you have running water at home, then you SIR/MADAM, are a DUMBASS. Have you ever heard of a water filter? They’re manufactured by companies like Brita™ and Pür™. All you have to do is go out to your local haberdashery, or home supply store and get yourself a damn water filter. Hire a plumber to install it for you & VOILA: Instant bottled water.

Companies which are bottling the water are doing EXACTLY the same thing – only on a much larger scale just so that they can sell it to you at 15 times the cost of you having a home water filter. Everytime you buy bottled water (sometimes at a price higher than soda for God’s sake), you are giving the company money to manufacture plastic bottles. The water you’re drinking is the same water in your tap. The water is just a convenient reason to take more money out of your pocket – dumbass

6. Internet Porn

Have you ever spent money on internet porn? For those of you who actually spend money at an internet porn site, on behalf of every internet surfer, I’d like to THANK YOU FOR ALL THE FREE PORN. Cuz sooner or later, the same porn that you spent 50 bucks / month for, will be distributed for free at some peer to peer website, provided it isn’t shoved into people’s face as junk mail. However, because you’re stupid, you assume that what you pay for is exclusive to those who pay. Some of your paying colleagues actually re-release this porn as free material to their friends, who then share them on the internet for free. Gee, maybe you should put that credit card away – dumbass

7. Car Detailing

Have you ever blown serious dough on impractical “aesthetic enhancements” to your car like low profile rims, lowered shock absorbers, low skirting, spoilers, undercarriage lighting, obnoxious body kits and other such things? No? Let me guess, you don’t consider them impractical do you? Well in that case dear genius, lemme ask you some questions:

  1. How are you going to get out of those deep potholes when your car is so low that dropping into one literally immobilizes your car when its undercarriage becomes hinged on the road surface?
  2. Aren’t you going to have to replace the low skirting eventually everytime you drive over a speed bump and it gets scratched?
  3. Do you realise that the reason why your tyres are that thick is so that it cushions your ride on a bumpy road?
  4. Why buy bigger rims for your car when you’ll just end up having to make many more turns of your steering wheel just to get out of a tight spot?
  5. Did you know that spoilers are for race cars and not for civilian vehicles? So why do you have one?

Do you realise that most of these impractical aesthetic enhancements will need replacing? That’s how corporate manufacturers stay rich based on your silly aesthetic cravings. So the next time you’re about to go spend some money, think about what you’re doing. You may just be yet another victim of corporate dumbsploitation – dumbass…

  1. D'Juan
    October 16, 2009 at 3:35 am

    I think you hurt everyone’s feelings with this one. I was surprised there were no comments. Good piece.

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