Uninteresting People

“Most people are only interesting before you get to know them.”

- Xenocrates

Knowledge is dangerous. The more you know, the less mystery there is, and thus, the less interesting everything appears to be. The same is true for people. Maybe that’s why I attach such a premium to the discerning factors that I think are imperative to who I consider worthwhile making friends with. See, the problem is that I always need something unique to keep my interest. Entertaining the typical run of the mill denizens of this backwater planet is usually reserved for social occasions when you’re supposed to socialize and make light conversation. That’s something I’m totally incapable of doing, since most people are masking how uninteresting they really are. I have the attention span of a house fly and most people fail to capture it. Quite frankly, average people BORE me.

Everytime I see someone who seems interesting to talk to, the minute I open the conversation and they open their mouth, it’s like I’m watching a majestic 747 burst into flames at 35,000 feet, then slowly but poetically swoon out of the sky to greet the longing concrete below, crashing and burning in an epic ball of fire that would make Jerry Bruckheimer shed a tear of artistic appreciation. That’s why 90% of the time, if you’re talking to me and I’m not even trying to carry the conversation, (usually saying stuff like “Really? Umm-hmm. Okay. Right. Sure. Absolutely. Definitely.” - or just nodding my head inocuously, then there’s a very good chance that I’m probably just humoring you - with one ear and at most, one tenth of my attention…