Home > People, Relationships, women > Top 10 Strangest Things Women Do

Top 10 Strangest Things Women Do


“Women care more about how they feel than how they think.”

- Xenocrates

Yeah, I know doggie. There’s something rather odd about this gender.

Women are simultaneously the source of my greatest joy and pain. While I always appreciate the love they perniciously bestow, there are times they do things which defy every sense of reason that any rational human male has the capacity to fathom. This post covers what I think are ten of the worst of them.

Stating the Obvious

Let me state a few obvious things for all the single, man hating, feminist trolls and their gay male friends hiding in the closet as stay at home dads that will predictably flock to this post like fat people to a cake stuffed chicken sale. If you are even remotely a part of this group, you need to know a few things:

  1. Most of my friends are female (probably 80% of them) which makes me eminently qualified to write this.
  2. I’m fascinated by women because of what they’ve evolved into over the last 60 years.
  3. While I’m neither misogynist nor sexist, I am a realist.
  4. Getting laid never was, still isn’t, and never will be a problem for me. (in fact, I just turned down an offer just before posting this)
  5. Most of my female friends will read this and probably flip out.
  6. Yes, I am positively looking forward to them flipping out – particularly the ones I want to get rid of.
  7. No, I’m not saying these things just to piss people off.
  8. I’ve met dozens of women from 7 different cultures from 5 different continents.
  9. Yes, I know these don’t apply to everyone, but it does to enough of you to make it generally true.
  10. I’m still going to get laid even after I publish this (which is proof of concept). Just saying.

So if there is no further cause for bitching, shall we proceed? Well good then. While I know all the men who’ve ever been with a woman will be nodding their heads in positive affirmation while reading this (*fist bump*), I would like to invite all the female readers to put aside their denial and look deep within themselves. Search your feelings, woman. You know these things to be true.

#10. Using men as an Emotional Crutch

Sir, this doesn’t mean that you’re getting any.

When a woman has something to cry about, most times she usually runs to her girl friends, who empathetic to her cause (being women themselves), either cry with her or offer her consolation for her newly acquired source of distress. This is easy to understand when this source of distress is a man.

So why do some women run to other men instead?

Follow the logic: Man causes woman to cry. She in distress, runs to another man, one in whom she has no romantic or sexual interest whatsoever to tell him about the other dude who made her cry. I can understand if the dude was a family member, but it is often a close male friend who is not getting any.

I can understand if the male friend was gay. Gay men are perfect fodder for this type of nonsense. But there isn’t enough of them. Therefore, this male friend is usually someone who is not romantically excluded from having her for himself – and yet he is not the boyfriend. Where does that even make sense?

I and many other men have been perplexed by women who feel somehow compelled to take their man problems to other single men. Why would you do that if you don’t plan to lay them? Do you really think that they genuinely care about the specifics of why he cheated on you with your very best girlfriend?

You can vent, but not for free. He’s just waiting around to hear his number called. Seriously. So if you’re not getting to the part where you tell him that tonight’s his lucky night, he’s not really that interested in what you have to say about how your boyfriend / husband smacked you around with an iron pipe.

In fact, for those men who haven’t figured it out yet, the first time a sobbing woman walks away and leaves him with nothing more than a tear soaked shirt and an epic hard on, please be advised that his frustration will become the first step to becoming the very jerk that you are currently struggling with.

So let me make this ridiculously simple for you ladies:

Don’t take your boyfriend problems to another single, heterosexual male. I know some of you don’t trust your female friends who may treat this as an opportunity to pounce on your boyfriend (given the vultures they are), but I assure you, men are more likely to treat such behaviour as an open invitation.

…whether you find him attractive or not.

Furthermore, even if you think that we actually care (and some of us are foolish enough to) and such behaviour really is an open invitation to  become yours, what makes you think we would trust you to keep our relationship problems within our relationship if we start to have problems ourselves?

When a woman feels she cannot reason with her lover about their problems, taking those problems to a third party is a betrayal of trust. It establishes you the woman as being emotionally irresponsible (even if the man really is at fault). If you can’t work it out inside the relationship, then please; just end it.

The rest of it is no one else’s business.

Bringing in a third party almost never resolves the issue. Usually that makes it even worse. You can’t expect people who have a greater level of emotional investment in you than your relationship to offer an objective opinion on the matter – whether they be male or female. It’s even worse if family is involved.

Either way, most single men do not really care to hear about your relationship problems – even if they pretend to by offering advice. Men who like to listen to an emotionally distraught woman ranting on and on about her jerk lover, while she simultaneously ignores his availability, are emotional whores. They don’t have enough self respect to realize they are being indiscriminately abused.

Men who opt to subject themselves to these rambling, snot filled, tear jerking, females need to remember that unless she grows a left brain and realizes that she doesn’t deserve to be treated like a tramp, he is not responsible for fixing her problems. You’re not a emotional crutch to be used and discarded at will.

#9. Becoming irrationally jealous

And they say that men want everything.

Women don’t usually need a reason to get jealous – but there are times their jealousy borders on utter madness. I can understand when a girlfriend gets jealous over her lover’s closeness with his other platonic female friends, or when a woman feels threatened by her husband’s insanely hot secretary.

But why would a woman who is already in a relationship, become jealous when her close platonic male friend finally finds an appropriate girlfriend of his own? Why would a married woman be fiercely jealous of her colleague’s secretary when she already has a husband at home? Where does that make sense?

This kind of behaviour is a positive indicator of the truth of ladder theory. Remember when I said that every woman has three boyfriends? Whenever a woman looses one of the other two boyfriends, she probably feels the need to fill those positions – as a sort of immutable relationship insurance measure.

That’s still not as bad as when a woman becomes jealous over her lover’s family members – like sisters and female cousins. Now I do admit that there are some genuine cases where concern would certainly be warranted – like when a man is way to cozy with his sister or cousin. But that’s quite rare.

Dysfunctional families aside, I do not quite understand women who develop extreme jealousy over women in a man’s life that he cannot possibly become involved with. Even cases where married women get jealous over their male friend’s new relationships are not quite so inexplicable. It is truly bizarre.

I think women who exhibit these types of jealousy may only be displaying a cognitive reflex reaction – an obsolete genetic relic of our ancient selves that still resides in our DNA. Certainly such code would have been useful for our original ancestors when incestuous relationships were certainly unavoidable.

…but not today.

#8. Expecting an answer to rhetorical questions

Yeah dude. She really expects you to answer that.

Women sometimes insist on asking men questions to which they already know the answer. By now we would have already determined that the purpose of these questions is not so much to elicit a direct (or even truthful) response as much as it is designed to elicit some form of emotional support from their men.

You know those questions where she asks if a particular dress makes her look fat, or if you think some other woman you both know is prettier than her? Yes, those questions. The mere fact that women may choose to ask these types of questions is proof positive that they certainly do enjoy when men lie to them.

However, it doesn’t make the asking of the question any less illogical – well certainly because it wasn’t formulated out of logic. We men do find them pretty annoying though – like when she asks every once in a while if you love her. It’s as if women need to be reminded of our love for them on a daily basis.

The key reason for all of these types of rhetorical questions is because many women generally do not possess a natural internal confidence booster. Some tend to have low self esteem issues. It’s not like a man who looks at himself everyday in the mirror thinking how awesome he is – even with his pot belly.

The few women in the world who have a powerful ego are usually (but not always) single – and for very obvious reasons. For what would a woman with such self assurance need with a man? Furthermore, men generally aren’t very attracted to women who remind them of the behavior of their fellow brethren.

So as far as we’re concerned, it’s a win-win.

#7. Wanting conflicting things

The Implications of EqualityThe implications of male / female equality

Equality has essentially killed chivalry. Now that we’re all equal, men are no longer obligated to treat women as the fairer sex. So women should now open their own doors, seat themselves and pay for their half of dinner when we go out to eat. Right? So why is it that women are still complaining about this?

The curious thing is that after all that pompous talk about wanting equality, women still expect to be treated as the fairer sex. This is not at all surprising, coming from females. Ladies, you don’t get to ask for equality and expect to be treated as the very thing that contravenes that idea. So make up your minds.

Now that they are CEOs, directors and managers of all sorts, they have to contend with balancing the already difficult task of being a full time mommy, determining strategic direction for the company, ensuring that the SUV is parked properly all while ensuring dinner is ready for the family in the evening.

Listen, none of this bothers me. Just know this:

Most men don’t care if their woman wants to rule the world, makes more money than them, has more education, or drives are more expensive car. None of these things will ever change the fact that she’s still a woman. So long as when she gets home that she remembers that she’s the Mrs., we’ll all be fine.

By contrast, men were quite happy ruling the world. You don’t see any of us trying to give birth to kids, do you? Similarly, when women ask for things that conflict with their nature or makes their lives more difficult, I’m hard pressed to think of any man in his right mind who would choose to care. We were fine with you guys in the kitchen and we’ll be fine with you guys in the CEO seat.

Just don’t bitch about it being “hard”. We won’t take you seriously either way.

#6. Fighting about dead issues

Does this conversation sound familiar?

Have you ever had a fight with your girlfriend about a matter that was already resolved? What about fighting with your wife about something that happened before your kids were born? Gentlemen, women never forget. Most things aren’t permanently resolved with a woman after one fight. Don’t forget that.

This is particularly true when she hasn’t completely vented on the issue. Women rehash dead issues because they haven’t burned out the emotional context of the matter. Women are like candles when it comes to these issues. They have a need to talk about it to death until they feel nothing for it again.

As a male, you can usually tell when your fight starts to tangent into an unrelated matter. You can see it coming from several miles out. It usually starts with her goading you on by saying “No, let’s talk about this”. As you probably already know, no amount of reasoning will convince her otherwise.

You know exactly how this is going to end. You can literally script everything she’s going to say before she opens her mouth. It always seems to happen when you’re just not in the mood to play an emotional pissing contest again. You sometimes wonder how the argument got to that point in the first place.

It doesn’t even matter that the problem was resolved, or that the incident happened 15 years ago when you two were still kids, or that you’ve changed your life such that the issue cannot possibly recur. Women need to vent on the matter exhaustivelyad nauseum if needs be, until they feel some “closure”.

Do you even know what that is? They don’t either.

What you need to do, is let her vent – completely. You don’t have to listen to every single word. Just pick out the parts where she says “I feel…”. Everything else is irrelevant. The “I feel” components of her vent tirade are the root of everything else. You shouldn’t stop her until she’s cried out every single thing.

Otherwise you’ll fight about it again (even when the issue is resolved).

Gentlemen, what you need to understand is that women care more about how they feel than how they think. So even if you’ve said your routine apologies, etc., they may still have half a tank of emotional fuel they need to burn off. So don’t fight back. Just let them burn out – even after you agree to disagree.

Fighting back only delays the make up sex. You do like sex, don’t you?

#5. Having no honor among themselves

Cat FightingWomen never fight fair – especially with each other.

I’ve seen many scenarios where women walk circles around each other and start a fight just because they didn’t like each other. They’ve never met before. They’ve never had a disagreement about any particular issue. Yet, upon first becoming acquainted, they either utterly love or positively hate each other.

…and it’s all because one looks prettier or sexier than the other.

I won’t even pretend to understand why this is so important – suffice to say it is something I have noticed in girls from puberty that never really goes away. Women can hate each other for the dumbest reasons – and I mean really hate each other, like the French do the Germans, over such incredibly trivial things.

I’m pretty sure your girlfriend / wife / significant other has subjected you to at least one such rant after coming home from work / school / play, where she goes on and on about some bitch she met today that she can’t stand – never mind the fact that women often consider the word “bitch” to be a sexist slur.

But, whatever.

I’m immediately reminded of a recent incident where Chris Brown physically assaulted his former girlfriend Rihanna. Immediately, all these females went online ranting about how much Rihanna must have done something to piss off Chris Brown. I was appalled. They wouldn’t even try to defend the poor girl!

Compare and contrast the behavior of men. Two men can be bitter enemies for life until they are faced with a mutual enemy. At that point, they can put aside their differences and become temporary allies to that cause. This is precisely why you would almost certainly never see women leading armies anywhere.

It’s because there is no such thing as honor among women.

I once saw two women who are in senior management positions constantly get at each other’s throat for what appeared to be no particularly good reason at all. Their feud was well known across the organization. That’s when the men collectively rolled their eyes in confirmation of their sexist beliefs about there being far too many females in the organization as senior managers.

Where I currently work, with the exception of myself and the CEO, all of the senior managers are female. So everyday I hear about a new cat fight which ranges anywhere from who really owns a printer (that the company bought) to who said who is a slut (or is sleeping with whom) to get where they are.

This is what you get for treating women with equality.

Do you notice how little girls can develop the capacity to not like each other because one is prettier? That’s exactly why pretty girls rarely keep pretty friends – they don’t like the competition. The two women I described earlier are quite gorgeous in their own right. This would begin to explain everything.

The cat fight escalated when they got a new boss. This new dude was a tall, muscular, senior fellow, with boyishly dapper gray hairs. The same two women in senior management got into a fit trying to impress the new guy. Extra layers of makeup were accompanied by shorter skirts and sexier smiles. I kid you not.

Now the hotness on these females is good enough to distract even the most faithful of married men. So when the dapper new boss favored the proposal of one over the other, it was like pouring gasoline on an exposed high tension wire. The contention was that it was impossible to tell if the executive decision was made based on the shortness of a skirt or the soundness of the idea.

That’s when the new boss, tired of mediating pointless debates between two females from whom he probably won’t be getting any, decided to put an end to the cat fights. They needed to be gotten rid of – and get rid of them he did. Their respective male subordinates then all breathed a collective sigh of relief.

What is curious to me is that despite the fact that this dude is a happily married man, one of the cat fighters made no mystery of the fact that she would hit that. The audacity of the woman still blows my mind. It’s not that he’s her boss. It’s the fact that she is personally acquainted with his wife!

And that leads me to my next point:

#4. Chasing after a married man

I don’t get women who do this.

I understand why women go after men who are already involved. It is quite a powerful boost to a woman’s self esteem to think she could exert that much power over any male – especially when she gets the regular opportunity to demonstrate that her feminine powers are stronger than that of her sisters’.

There is a second reason. Some speculate that women regularly go after men who are involved because they see the attraction of other females to the guy as a sign that he must be worth the attention. It’s kind of like how men flock to a particular brand of technology based on peer review. It’s just that these women aren’t explicitly making any recommendations except by being seen.

I’ve noticed that the more female company one has (irrespective of the nature of the friendship), the more females one is likely to attract. I’ve proven this to be true myself – and every time I do, it makes me respect women just a little bit less. Why? Because despite the fact that so many of them are against the idea of polygamous relationships, many of them are quite willing participants.

What baffles me though, is the surprise of these women when the man who cheated on his wife to be with them, cheats on them too. What? Did you think you were the chief of the harem? Ladies need to understand something fairly simple about men: There’s no such thing as better vagina – just newer vagina.

The men who stay faithful to their wives could be hailed as champions of their lot. However scientific studies show that faithful men have a much lower libido than promiscuous men. So their faithfulness is most probably genetic – not cognitive. Ergo, any male who cheats on his wife to be with you won’t treat you any differently when a younger female in a shorter skirt comes along.

You’d figure most women would know that by now.

#3. Expecting their minds to be read

What is her problem this time?

The silent treatment is one of the most frequently used weapons in an arsenal of illogical behavior that women love to use. Women persist in using this trite technique to communicate their contempt, despite the fact that its usage is inherently flawed. It is based on terribly misplaced assumptions about men.

Now I understand that a woman likes when a man pays attention enough to know when something is wrong. Even so, we can’t read minds. (Not quite yet anyway). With that said, the silent treatment seems more like a tepid cry for attention. For if a man were to ignore it, he would only do so at his own peril.

Wouldn’t it be easier to just tell us what’s wrong? Why put us through this pointless, childish, game of Jeopardy? It’s as if they get some sick vindication from seeing us squirm in limbo. What makes matters even worse, is that many of them don’t understand that we really are clueless to what’s actually wrong.

And don’t give us any of that nonsense about men needing to be sensitive to a woman’s emotional needs. The second we do that, you’d run off and screw Joe Schmo that looks like a walking muscle contraction. You wouldn’t be too attracted to men who emoted like the insipid prattling tramps you call friends.

Being sensitive to a woman’s needs is one thing. However, given that the large majority of us aren’t talented enough to join Xavier’s School for Gifted Children (considering that we have no mutant telepathic powers), how about trying to communicate with us for a change? Isn’t that how relationships work?

Expecting us magically see the cause of the silent treatment doesn’t solve a problem. It creates one. I don’t care how bad you feel about something we did that you thought was stupid (even though it’s not, but I digress). Expecting a man with that kind of depth perception is probably the reason why they are:

#2. Befriending Gay Men

Her: OMG, isn’t he just divine?

I’ve always found it strange how women always gravitate towards gay men – until I did some research that established why. Women seek out gay male friends because they offer a unique combination: They won’t hit on them, but at the same time, won’t try to compete with her for the same male attention.

What is perplexing about this odd friendship is three fold:

  1. When their homosexuality catches them by “surprise”.
  2. When women try to “convert” some of those they crush on.
  3. When women rely on them for advice on fashion and relationships.

Let me tell you why each of these is stupid:

1. Surprise! He’s gay!

Ladies, when you hang with a gay man, sooner or later, you’ll catch him deep throating another man, or finding the urge to join your graphic conversation with your friends about cock. Now, while I’m rolling on the floor as I type this, you should realize that the gross factor will be ten times worse in real life.

What many ladies fail to understand is that unless you have quite a mighty constitution, you’re doing the same thing as eating fruit that is only rotten on the inside. Gay men have a unique sexual appeal to women precisely because they embody so many feminine qualities in a fabulously sexy, male exterior.

Ah ladies. You’re so easily fooled.

In the timeless words of Admiral Akbar of the Rebel Alliance, “It’s a trap!” – one that you’ve set for yourself by chasing delusions of grandeur, looking for a masculine male who is also sweet and sensitive. Those god forsaken romance novels have the lot of you fooled. There’s a reason why such men are gay.

I guess some people have to learn the hard way.

2. Trying to convert a gay man

I’ve seen some women get so enamored with a gay (or even bisexual) male to the point where she thinks she’s in love. That’s when she starts talking about how she’s going to “convert” or change him. Dear confused lady folk, you’ll have better luck trying to shoot a bullet mid flight with another bullet while riding a horse traveling faster than a speeding bullet. Good luck with that.

3. Queer Eye for the Straight girl

Ladies, how is a man who is only attracted to other men going to be able to give you advice on what heterosexual men would want to see on or in a woman? How can he tell what other men find sexy in women if he is unable to find women sexually attractive in the first place? Let that sit on your mind and simmer for a minute and the nature of your fatuous logic will reveal itself.

#1. Reading too deeply into what men say

Again, does this conversation sound familiar?

This seems to be the single most common offense from women and perhaps the number one reason why men and women have communication problems or get into verbal shouting matches. Women always seem to think that there’s more to what a man actually says. So how can I make this abundantly clear?

Unless we’re lying, we men always say what we mean.

When men lie, we give off a myriad of micro expressions that are fairly easy to read. You can see the scratching of our necks, noses or chins, hear the uneasy clearing of our throats, see the shaking of our heads (indicating ‘no’) when we’re saying ‘yes’ and the dilation of the pupil in our eyes when we’re caught.

Women are hard wired to detect micro expressions. That’s why we only lie to them when we are required to. All other times, men say exactly what we mean. There is no deeper meaning. There is no “why” to what we say. We do not mince our words or wrap them in several dozen layers of needless innuendo.

If a man gives you a compliment, that’s exactly what it is. If a man says that he forgot, it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care. If a man says that he has noticed that you’re trying to loose weight, he doesn’t mean that he thinks you’re fat. If a man doesn’t answer your question, it is simply because he doesn’t want to.

If a man doesn’t answer the phone, it’s either because we couldn’t answer it in time or because we don’t feel like talking. Sometimes we don’t feel the need to talk. It’s not us blowing you off. If a man didn’t compliment you on your new hair do, it’s because we didn’t notice. It doesn’t mean our love is diminished.

If a man ogles at another woman, it’s not because we stopped loving you. Our sex drive and our capacity to love are mutually exclusive. You can’t blame us for that. That’s just nature talking. Finally, men will never give women silent treatment because of something we know you’re not consciously aware of.

The reason why you women think that men are so needlessly complex, is because women are needlessly complex when it comes to communication. Women rarely say exactly what they mean when it comes to matters of the heart. They insist on encoding their speech in several layers of cryptic cognition such that only they are consciously aware of its actual meaning. How tragic.

In fact, when a woman says “no”, she sometimes (and only sometimes) means “yes”. When a man says “Yes”, he literally means “Yes”, unconditionally, all the time, every time. There are no ifs, buts or maybes about it. Men don’t believe in needless complexity. That’s why we coined the expression “Elegance in design“.

Men are firm believers in achieving the greatest objective with the very least amount of effort. We’re left brain animals that thrive on straight logic. That’s why when men go shopping, we can make two straight lines and purchase fifty items. Women by comparison make complex mesh patterns to by one item.

So please, ladies: Stop putting words in our mouth. Stop assuming that we mean more than we say. Desist from creating a tangent in an argument to a completely unrelated item because you picked up on a “tone” in a word that seemed suspicious in what we just said. Really – we are not that complex.

Your failure to recognize that annoys us to tears.

Conclusively;

I am grateful that these strange behaviors are not all representative of the majority of the female stock – just a substantial enough of the population to warrant a concerned double take. Otherwise, men would not have developed the capacity to treat women as equals – unless we were collectively deceived.

Or were we? Oh shi…

HAW!! HAW!! GOTCHA!!
About these ads
  1. April 10, 2012 at 1:45 pm

    LOL! Your post is very funny and I am a girl! ;)

  2. Hannah
    February 8, 2012 at 4:57 pm

    bahaha This was amazing, made me laugh (probably more then it should have) Now, I can’t say all gals are like this, but it’s pretty much spot on for a lot of girls I’ve had the displeasure of meeting. I know I’ve been guilty of some of these as much as it pains me to say it, and hopefully I’ll improve on them. Because, like you, I can’t stand hypocrites (even if I’m being a bit hypocritical in saying that)

Comment pages
  1. No trackbacks yet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 68 other followers